I had a question posted the other day regarding Brad and Sue. Brad said they had been dating a few months and Sue picked a fight over nothing. Sue said they have been dating a few months and Brad doesn’t communicate with her. Sound familiar? Although this situation is as old as the hills, it continues to be an issue.
It’s possible Brad isn’t listening to Sue, in which case she would be correct about a communication problem. Brad would be at a loss as to why she was upset, if he missed what she was saying.
Communication is a major part of a relationship. Overall, woman are much more talkers than men. Men tend to be more of a mindset of, leave well enough alone, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Often we see a woman wants to talk out an issue, and a man hears it as an issue that he’s being asked (or told) to fix.
This is very general, almost sexist if it wasn’t so often true. In same sex relations, there is usually one partner that leans to the more feminine or masculine side, and the other partner who leans the other.
Have you ever noticed women talking to each other, and then compare that to men talking to each other? Women have a lot more, “What did she mean by that?” “Did you see the way she looked at her?” “And then she said…..”
Men are much more straightforward, borderline rude, with each other. “Dude, what’s up?” “Want to go out?” “No.” “Okay.”
When the two come together, sometimes the woman has hurt feelings, and the man doesn’t know why. To the woman, if he loved her he’d talk to her, listen to the things she has to say, or know what she’s talking about. To a man, if she loved him, she’d get to the point and stop bitching about things that have no relevance and are illogical.
My suggestion to Brad was to allow Sue to talk out her thoughts. Accept talking and thinking things out as a part of the way Sue works out her issues, and for him to not think it is a request for him to take action. If he’s confused, he should directly ask her if she is requesting something from him.
My suggestion to Sue was to be direct with Brad. Hidden subtle innuendos are confusing. Expecting him to read her mind isn’t fair. If she wants to talk out her thoughts, let him know that. If she wants him to do something, she should say so. She should tell him she needs to vent or talk something out before she starts.
The quicker you cut to the chase, the more time there is for the fun things in life.
Peace!
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